Follow the Pure Dream of Crepes! Queen Beryl Finds the Dark Kingdom
by windsofuranus
Summary: Like most Sailor Moon episodes, it's what it says on the tin. Based on the crepe shop hideout in episode 44 of the anime and the mention of Beryl "finding" the Dark Kingdom in the manga. Contains many inside jokes from the Sailor Business podcast, with stylistic inspiration from the 90s novelizations by Lianne Sentar.
1. Chapter 1

I'm Beryl Ankokuno! I'm 25 years old, recently graduated from culinary school. I'm a Capricorn, my blood type is A, and my birth stone is the garnet. I'm more boy-crazy than others and I have a bit of a short temper. That's about it.

"Time to wake up! Time to wake up!" beeped my cute cat alarm clock cheerfully. I groaned, rolling over to hit the snooze button one more time, then immediately sat bolt upright in bed.

"IT'S ALREADY EIGHT O'CLOCK!" I yelled, and threw off the covers. I was going to be late for my meeting with the real estate agent! "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?! Thanks a lot, you useless piece of junk!" I snapped at the clock. I slammed my hand down on it to turn off its chirping. Had I really pressed the snooze button that many times? I couldn't remember.

I dropped a piece of toast into my toaster, brushed my teeth, combed out my long, red hair, and put on a purple H&M dress. (Real estate viewing tip #1: Wear nice clothes to make a good impression!) Though I knew I was dangerously close to running late, I took a second standing in front of the mirror for my daily pep talk: "You're Chef Beryl! The dame of desserts! The champion of crepes! Soon you'll have people lining up by the hundreds! Come on, let's go!"

Just as I was finishing, the toaster popped. I stuck the piece of toast in my mouth and ran out the door. (Real estate viewing tip #2: Eat a good breakfast!) I took the stairs as fast as I could in my sensible shoes and dashed out the front door to see my agent just pulling up to the curb.

"Perfect timing!" he said. (Real estate viewing tip #3: Don't be late!)

"Thank you for agreeing to continue meeting with me," I said, getting into the car. "I'm sure it hasn't been easy for you to schedule all these showings." (Real estate viewing tip #4: Remember your pleases and thank yous!)

"My motto is 'never give up until the customer is satisfied!'" he chirped. He pulled away from my apartment and began driving us to the shop we'd be looking at today. "I have to admit, with your…budgetary restrictions, I had nearly given up on finding a storefront you could rent. But I think you'll be very pleased. This one is right on your price point, and it's in a prime location."

I couldn't help but feel suspicious. "What's the catch?"

"There is a slight, erm, structural issue that the landlord recently discovered. It's practically nothing, totally invisible from the front—well, you'll see."

I decided not to press for details until I could see the place for myself. The fact was, I wasn't in a position to be demanding. I had quit my job in hopes of realizing my lifelong dream of owning a crepe shop, but rent was so high these days that my savings wouldn't stretch to cover my startup costs. If I didn't find an affordable place soon, I would have to give up and go back to my 9 to 5.

"Here we are!" the agent said. I got out and took in the surroundings. The exterior was functional, if basic, just a plain glass door and a takeout window. The paint had faded around the letters of a previous sign that read "Café". But the street did have enough other businesses to draw customers, and seemed to get a decent amount of foot traffic.

"Like I said, it's a great location, right in the heart of Juuban," the agent continued. "Let's have a look inside, shall we?" I nodded and followed him through the door. The interior had a dated charm: pink and white linoleum floor, a small kitchen space next to the window, room for a few tables. The problem was, it also had a gigantic hole yawning out of the back wall.

"This is clearly the 'structural issue' you mentioned," I said, pointing.

"Y-yes," the agent replied. I could pick out a few drops of sweat beading on his brow.

"It's less clear how this qualifies as 'totally invisible'."

"Well, see, all you have to do is close these!" He hurried forward and shut a pair of decorative double doors that I had somehow failed to notice. The hole really pulled in your attention, I supposed. "See? No sign of it. Just slap an Employees Only sign on the front and nobody has to know."

"Hmm." I pulled the doors open again. The hole—but no, it was too deep to be called that. This was a _tunnel_. And though it could have been my imagination, I felt a cold breeze blowing in from wherever it ended. "How far down does this go?" I asked, kneeling down to look further into the tunnel.

"Ma'am, I'm not sure that's safe," he quailed. I ignored him and squinted into the darkness. This tunnel was an intriguing mystery. Where had it come from? Where did it lead? I felt like I should have known, like it was somewhere deep in the back of my mind. Just a bit further, and it would come to me…

"Ma'am, I really must ask you to stop," the agent said, grabbing me by the shoulders and pulling me out of the tunnel. I brushed him off, annoyed, and stood.

I meant to ask whether merely closing the door would make this compliant with health inspection standards. What came out of my mouth instead was, "I will rent this store."

"Oh…really? Well, wonderful! I'll just get the rental agreement and we can get this settled right now!"

I shook my head, watching him scuttle back to the car. _Did I agree to that too quickly?_ But then, hadn't I just been thinking that this was my last chance to achieve my dream? Right, this _was_ my dream! I was one contract away from finally becoming a crepe shop owner! This wasn't the time to get hung up on details.

"Alright," the agent said, setting the contract on the counter in front of me. "I'll just need your name here, the intended name of the shop here, and your signature here. You _have_ decided on a name for your shop, haven't you?"

I nodded. "I'm calling it 'Ankokuno Crepes', after me, obviously!"

"Ah. Um…no offense, ma'am, I'm sure the kanji are totally different, but doesn't that sound like it means 'Crepes of Darkness'? I don't think you'd get a lot of customers with a name like that."

I frowned. "Maybe you're right. Well, let's just go with "La Crepe Shop", then."

"Isn't that a little—"

"I don't care!" Without waiting for further feedback, I scribbled the name on the rental agreement, then signed on the dotted line.

"Well, then, congratulations!" The agent shook my hand. "I wish you the best of luck."

"I've already had it."


	2. Chapter 2

I'm Beryl Ankokuno! I'm 25 years old, recently graduated from culinary school. I'm more boy-crazy than others and I have a bit of a short temper. That's about it. Recently I achieved my dream of opening my own crepe shop by renting a low-budget storefront that has a peculiar hole in the back wall. But now I have to make enough money to cover all my costs! That makes me really nervous. Oh well, I guess everything will be okay!

"Help wanted!" I read aloud as I taped the sign to the door. A week into the crepe-making business, and it was obvious I was going to need some employees. For starters, the pot of crepe batter needed to be stirred at all times or it would congeal. This made it difficult to get any actual crepes made. Speaking of which—

"Eep! The batter!" I ran back to the kitchen and resumed working the pot. Much to my dismay, a few lumps had already started forming. All of my attention became absorbed in stirring, so much so that I nearly didn't notice when a major hunk walked up to read my advertisement.

I rushed to the front. "Oh, sorry! May I help you?" I asked. The stranger was even more gorgeous up close. He had glossy black hair and a sharp jawline, and was fashionably dressed in cool guy sunglasses, an oversized green jacket, and pleated purple pants. He could have been a Calvin Klein model if he'd wanted to.

He took off his sunglasses to look at me. "What jobs are you hiring for?" His eyes were a deep blue, just like the sea. There was something so nostalgic about looking into them…

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "Um, mainly people to make crepes, I guess! Right now it's just me, so it's flexible, if there was something else you were interested in."

"Well, since I'm an orphan who's lived alone in an apartment since childhood, I _am_ a pretty good cook. What are the hours?"

"We're open afternoons and evenings. It seems like we get the most customers around when school gets out, so that time frame would be ideal."

"Hmm." He put his sunglasses back on. "I'm starting medical school soon, so I don't think that will work for me. Sorry!" And with a two-finger wave, he started walking away.

"Hey, wait!" I called after him. "Those hours can be adjusted! I wouldn't even mind changing our open and closing times to fit your schedule! Come back! Please?" But he ignored me. With a sigh, I returned to stirring the pot.

A couple dull hours of stirring later, another interested candidate showed up. This one was pretty handsome, too. However, he was wearing a tan trenchcoat and fedora and had a distinctly creepy look in his eyes. He didn't even acknowledge my existence at first, but just stood in front of the shop, muttering, "Nowadays, the people of Japan are very interested in desserts from overseas. I can use this energy. By running a specialty crepe shop like this, I would be sure to earn a lot of money."

I leaned out the window and waved at him. "Hello? Are you looking for a job?" I asked.

He fixed his creepy eyes on me and tipped his hat. "Yes, m'lady."

I tried to ignore that. "Can you work nights and weekends?"

"Yes, m'lady."

"Can you stop calling me that?"

"Yes, m'lady."

I sighed. Creepy _and_ a bit of a dummy. Well, maybe he would be too dense to remember when payday was. "Whatever. You're hired. Go get yourself an apron out of the closet, and hang a few up out here while you're at it. I have to stir this pot. And what's your name?"

"Jadeite, m'lady." As he walked past, he began muttering again, "Nowadays, the people of Japan are very interested in keeping their clothes free of spills while they cook…"

The muttering, much to my horror, continued nonstop every time Jadeite encountered any new concept. He had clearly never had a job before, so this was approximately once every five minutes. _I guess you can't have very high standards for minimum-wage food service employees_, I told myself. I could always get rid of him if he got any worse—but for that, I would need a replacement.

An ostentatious red Ferrari screeched up to the curb. A man with equally ostentatious, equally red hair climbed out and stood on the sidewalk, looking up at my sign. "At the central point between a middle school, a college, and a major shopping district, approaching the vernal equinox…yes, it's all perfectly aligned. This crepe shop is about to reach its peak popularity."

He looked down at me and walked right up to the counter. "Hello there. Local dessert enthusiast Nephrite, at your service." With a wink, he handed me a business card.

I stuck the card in my pocket without looking at it. "Can you use a spatula?"

"I…believe that is within my abilities, yes."

"Great. You're hired. You start now. I'm terrified that the dweezil in the back is going to murder me in the shower." I handed him an apron.

From behind me, I heard Jadeite begin to mutter, "Nowadays, the people of Japan are very interested in murder…"

"Please," I said to Nephrite. With a suspicious look, then a shrug, he put on the apron and stepped behind the counter. I stifled a sigh of relief. "I'm on batter duty, and I've got Jadeite prepping the fillings, so all you need to do is fold the crepes into triangles and put them in paper to give to the customers. Sound good?"

"I don't need to be told how to make crepes," Nephrite responded coldly. "Pastry is my passion. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for myself."

That attitude was going to be a problem, but I guessed that was the cost of anti-murder insurance. Maybe Jadeite's latest muttered business plan had something to it.

"Look, Naru, a new crepe shop! Let's get one!" a high-pitched voice yelled from outside the shop. A schoolgirl with a distinctive bun hairstyle bounced forward, dragging a more reluctant girl with curly red hair.

"Usagi, weren't you saving your allowance for the arcade?" the redhead asked in a thick accent that could have been from either Brooklyn or Osaka.

"Young girls like us need to live in the moment!" the blonde replied. "One kiwi crepe and one strawberry crepe, please!"

"I guess I'll have a strawberry crepe, too," the redhead said, more sheepishly.

I poured three scoops of well-stirred batter onto the griddles, and Nephrite got to work making the crepes while Jadeite rang them up.

"If you girls eat that many crepes, you'll get fat and you won't be beautiful," Jadeite told the students coldly.

"Jadeite! You're going to scare away our customers!" I snapped. The blonde girl's eyes were already welling up with tears.

"Besides, nothing could make these cuties look bad," Nephrite said, walking up with the crepes in hand. He handed them to the girls with a wink at the redhead. "I bet you're the cutest girls in the school." The two walked away giggling.

I crushed the freshly printed receipt in my hand, blood boiling. "Nephrite. You just saved our only sale of the day, so I will refrain from punishing you…this time." _But I really need to hire at least one person who isn't a total creep._

Just then, a couple walked by, the shorter one (whose gender I couldn't immediately guess) clinging tightly to the taller's arm. "Oh, Kunzite, look! Don't you think it would be so romantic to work at a crepe shop together?"

"I suppose that would be acceptable, Zoisite." His deep voice held no hint of intonation or expression.

"Come on!" Zoisite stepped inside and surveyed the premises of my shop with a haughty look. "This dingy stall could really use a couple of beautiful men to spruce it up, don't you think?"

_What horrible trick of fate has brought all of these idiots into my life today?_ I wondered. Still, the two didn't look like either murderers or pedophiles, and the bar was currently set exactly that low, so all I said was, "Sure, if you're job hunting. You can start now. Zoisite, was it? The aprons are here, go ahead and get yourself one."

"I'm going to get you one that matches mine, Kunzite," Zoisite said.

"That is fine," Kunzite replied.

"And while he's doing that, Kunzite, could you refill this water pitcher, please?" I asked.

"Yes," Kunzite said.

"Don't go getting the wrong idea," Zoisite sniped at me.

I revised my opinion—It would be a wonder if _I_ hadn't murdered _them_ before the week was up. _At least I have a convenient spot to hide the bodies._ I glanced over my shoulder at the back of the shop, where I knew the tunnel gaped open, though I couldn't see it. It sent a shiver up my spine, and I turned away.

"Nowadays, the couples of Japan are very interested in maintaining an unhealthy level of jealousy…" Jadeite muttered.

"I can hear you!" Zoisite yelled.

"Ignore this peasant, Zoisite," Kunzite said.

I sighed and tried to focus my attention on stirring the batter.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm Beryl Ankokuno. I don't look like a small business owner, but I am! As you know, I rent a small shop with a peculiar hole in the back wall and sell crepes. I'm the boss of La Crepe Shop! And my employees are Jadeite, the muttering misogynist, Nephrite, the insubordinate charmer, Zoisite, the flamboyant primadonna, and Kunzite, the menacing robot. The four of them are so useless, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. But anyway, I just have to do my best!

"Everyone, we have a serious problem," I said to my four employees. "Our expenses are high, and we're not making nearly enough sales to put us in the black. We need to adjust our business model, and I've asked you all to prepare proposals. Jadeite, why don't we start with yours?"

"Yes, m'lady." (My eyelid twitched slightly. None of my attempts at getting him to curb his weirdo behavior toward women had been successful.) "Nowadays, the foolish schoolgirls of Japan are very interested in crepes with decorations shaped like cartoon characters. I've calculated that if we can secure a licensing deal with a popular cartoon company, we will be able to gather a large amount of profit."

"And how will we get the company to agree to this?"

"I'm not quite certain."

"I'll…let you keep working on that."

Nephrite cut in, "If you ask me, that is a ridiculous way to conduct business."

"Really?" I asked, eyebrows raised. I agreed with him, but I knew that we would have to go with Jadeite's plan if nobody proposed anything better. "Then, Nephrite, what would you like us to do?"

Pushing Jadeite aside, Nephrite stepped forward with a complicated diagram in his hand. "I have analyzed the popularity levels of various food critics and cross-referenced this data with their movement patterns and favorite flavors. If we can plan a menu specifically catered to their tastes at the moment when they're most likely to write a hit article on us, we can achieve all the popularity we need in one go."

"You seem very confident," Zoisite piped up, leaning casually against the back wall.

"Nobody asked you, Zoisite," Nephrite growled.

"Ooh, temper. You'd better watch out if those star food critics find out that under your eight pounds of luscious red hair, you're just a pervert," he purred.

"Go away!"

"I believe it's Zoisite's turn to present his idea, Nephrite," I interrupted.

"Yes, Beryl. As you asked, I have researched the classic crepe recipes from the golden age of crepe making in France, and I have discovered that there were Seven Great Crepes which were far more popular than the others. Their recipes have been lost until now, but I am hard at work researching how to recreate them. With these seven crepes combined, our menu will be unstoppable."

"Very nice. But you forgot to mention what happened to two of the seven recipes you found," Nephrite added, barely concealing the gloating tone in his voice.

"Oh?" I asked.

"This useless sleazeball let them get stolen by that guy at Tuxedo Crepes down the street," Nephrite grinned.

Zoisite held up his hands in self-defense. "Chef Beryl, wait! I'll get them back, I swear! He might be a brilliant medical student and dashingly handsome, but I've got a plan—"

"_That medical student stole my recipes?!_" I hadn't intended for it to come out as a shriek.

"I will make certain that we correct this error," Kunzite said, stepping forward.

"It's not my fault I got distracted by those sea-blue eyes," Zoisite pouted, playing with a strand of his hair.

"Stop. I…do not wish to hear more about this topic." I took a long, calming breath. "Kunzite, please tell me your proposal." _If you don't have something better, I might have to close up shop and go beg for a job at Tuxedo Crepes._

"I believe that Zoisite has the superior proposal."

"And _I_ believe that I asked _every one of you_ to submit an idea."

"When a sufficient business model has been identified, further brainstorming is useless."

"You're so hot when you're being logical," Zoisite sighed.

I said nothing, merely stirring the pot of batter in increasingly intent circles. _I will not strangle my employees,_ I thought. _I will not strangle my employees. I will not…_

《Such rage. This energy is closely aligned to my own.》

I turned toward the back of the shop. I had clearly just heard someone talking to me—but there was nobody there, only the two closed doors.

"So whose plan will we follow?" Nephrite pressed.

I blinked, having trouble coming back to reality. "No…none of them. I have not seen enough evidence to convince me. Keep working on your own until you have some results to show me. Until then, leave me alone. I'm very busy."

I stared down into the pot of batter. In the back of my mind, I could swear I heard a voice quietly laughing.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm Beryl Ankokuno. As you know, I'm the pretty owner of La Crepe Shop who definitely never hears voices in her head! But it's not easy, you know. I have to make enough money to put us in the black before rent is due, but to do that, I need to come up with a viable business model! Oh, man! But anyhow, we've got four employees trying to do that now, so it'll work out somehow.

"Ugh!" Zoisite grimaced. "I can't believe that worthless piece of trash Nephrite forgot to alphabetize the toppings _again_! Beryl, didn't you tell him to get his act together when you two closed last night?"

"I did not close last night. It was Jadeite and Nephrite's shift," I replied, stirring my pot of batter as usual.

"Then can you tell him when you close tonight?"

"I do not close anymore."

"Why?"

"My reasons do not need to be explained."

"Just tell him sometime, then! Honestly, you ought to kick him to the curb, he's such a terrible employee."

"Silence, Zoisite."

I wasn't about to tell him that I no longer felt comfortable working in the shop at night. It wasn't just because my two late shift employees might be criminals—after all, the afternoons were no better on that count. I had thought separating Nephrite and Zoisite would fix my problems, but sometimes I thought Zoisite might stab me with a paring knife if I so much as looked in Kunzite's general direction.

No, the problem was the hole in the back wall. The laughter I'd begun to hear grew louder and more frequent at night, and I would go home and dream of opening the doors to see a shadowy face grinning out at me. It was getting too difficult to hide from my employees. I didn't worry about Jadeite thinking I was crazy, but Nephrite seemed likely to stage a coup if I showed any sign of weakness.

Not that the voice was silent during the day. But it was manageable. I was fine. Everything was fine. Just had to stir the pot. Stir, stir, stir. The spoon through the batter traced the shape of tunnels descending into hell. Stir, stir, stir. A smile crawled across the batter, a mouth opened to swallow me whole—

"It's him!" Zoisite hissed. "Quick, how's my hair?"

"Your hair looks as it always does, Zoisite," Kunzite replied.

I dragged my mind back to reality. Across the street, I spotted the source of the commotion: that gorgeous medical student was approaching our shop. He was wearing an infuriating black Armani tuxedo, confirming my suspicion that he was the owner of our main competitor, Tuxedo Crepes.

He sidled up to the window, cool and full of confidence. "Hey there. How's business today?" He glanced down at my full pot of batter. "Never mind. I always say there's rubbish for every trash pile, but it looks like you might be the exception. But hey, over at Tuxedo Crepes we've been so swamped with customers that we're looking into acquiring a second location. I could make you a very appealing offer—not that it would take much, with how this place has been tanking. What do you say?"

I stared into his ocean-blue eyes, and for a moment, I wanted to agree. Wouldn't that solve all my problems? I wouldn't have to deal with these employees, wouldn't have to make difficult business decisions, wouldn't have to worry about the impending monthly rent…

But I set my jaw and stood up straight. "_Never!_" I spat, louder than I had meant to. "Owning my own crepe shop is my dream! No matter how hard I have to fight, I will never surrender that dream to the likes of you!"

《Good. It would not be fitting for one such as you to kneel before this pathetic human.》

I whirled around toward the source of the voice. "What did you say? Who was that?" But Kunzite and Zoisite just looked at me. I turned back to the tuxedo-clad medical student, anger and embarrassment and fear and determination all churning together inside me, and hissed, "Mark my words. The next time you see me, I'll make you kneel and beg to join me. You'll regret your arrogance then."

The medical student threw his hands up. "Whoa, chill. It's just business." I glared at him until he backed away. It was only then that I noticed the cackling in the back of my mind.

My employees stood still for a moment. Then Kunzite said, quietly, "I have sensed a strange aura emanating from the doors in the back of the shop."

Zoisite gasped. "You said that was going to be our little secret!"

"It is not time for secrets. Chef Beryl, what is behind those doors?"

I took a deep breath. "I…am not sure. It did not seem wise to go in alone."

"Then we should all investigate together. Tonight, at closing time. I am sure the others have noticed as well."

"To-tonight?" I stammered. But recalling the strength of the previous confrontation, I nodded. "Yes. Tonight."

No moon shone over the streets of Juuban district that night, and for some reason, I knew that meant it was the right time to act. The five of us had closed the shop early and stood gathered in the seating area.

"Are we ready?" I asked. The others nodded. Their usual bickering had ceased. Now that the moment was upon us, my fear had fled, replaced by a perfect calm and a growing hunger to know. I reached out with a steady hand, tore away the Employees Only sign, and threw open the doors.

《Come,》 the familiar voice whispered.

"Yes," I replied. I knelt and lowered myself into the tunnel. I heard the others following, but they faded into the background of my awareness. Everything for me was forward, down, further in, closer.

《Closer,》 the voice said.

"Yes," I replied. The cold wind blew fiercely now, and the meager light from the store had long since disappeared, but I did not stop. Darkness was my friend, cold my companion. Had I not led an army across the frigid void by the sheer power of my iron will? Was this not my dominion to rule?

_What about your dreams? What will happen to your crepe shop?_

I stopped. My head twitched to look back. I did not know where I was going but I knew that I would never return. Was I really going to abandon my life's work so easily?

《This is your life's work. Come to me and accept it,》 the voice commanded.

"Yes," I replied. My feet carried me into a desolate throne room, and I stopped and knelt. A shadow stretched out within the darkness. It touched my forehead, and my eyes were opened, and I knew good and evil, and my place within them.

I stood and turned to the four behind me. "My four Heavenly Kings, accept your mission! Bring me human energy. Reawaken our great leader. Fill the world with darkness."

As one, they bowed before me. "Yes, my queen!"


	5. Queen Beryl Says

(pleasant instrumental music)

BERYL: Opening my own crepe shop was my dream, but being in charge is hard work! You have to balance different people's schedules, make sure everyone stays on task, and consider everybody's strengths and weaknesses!

ZOISITE: Sometimes you have to work with people who don't have any strengths. Such as Nephrite.

NEPHRITE: Don't you have a job you should be doing?

ZOISITE: Kunzite, Nephrite is bullying me!

KUNZITE: Ignore him. He is irrelevant.

BERYL: Quiet, all of you! I'm providing nationally mandated educational content! (sigh) All of us know someone who has to be in charge of others, whether it's our parents, our teachers, or other adults in our lives.

JADEITE: I have a great idea. Nowadays, the people of Japan are very interested in positions of authority—

BERYL: (coldly) Your idea can wait ten more seconds. (cheerfully) Sometimes it may seem like the people in charge are mean and just want to boss others around, but it's important to remember that they're real people with feelings! The next time you want to talk back to your parents or teachers, think about how hard they work, and try to say something nice instead. Right, everyone?

JADEITE: This is correct. Even the queen of the great Dark Kingdom is just a frail, foolish woman on the inside, given to feeble women's emotions.

BERYL: That's it, I'm putting you in Eternal Sleep.

(long pause, distant screaming)

BERYL: Queen Beryl Says! (giggle)


End file.
